


Paper Airplanes

by kwin_saphiee



Category: OACA Awaken-f, 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: AU-company&trainees, Angst, Fluff, Han Mubo is also taller than Qin Fen, Jackson is taller than Qin Fen, Love Triangle, M/M, READ THE NOTE AS TO WHY I MADE THIS, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-07 03:47:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15210236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwin_saphiee/pseuds/kwin_saphiee
Summary: After losing contact with Qin Fen for unknown reasons, Jackson became visibly easy to irritate- that even his co-workers can't control him whenever he snaps.And now, he just saw Qin Fen's profile with those applying as a trainee in the company. Oh, how good the feeling was when he saw Qin Fen's profile.However, there's this tiny problem that is bothering him.. He doesn't know why he's this affected by his friend. It wasn't even like this back then. And he want to know why he's like this.But after finally meeting with Qin Fen, who was very close with a person stranger to him, he suddenly doesn't want to know why he was affected with Qin Fen.Cause he knew that between friends- this isn't right.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I was looking for a Jackson x Qin fen but i didn't find any so I searched for why AND THEN GOOGLE TOLD ME IT WAS BEC JACKSON WAS PAIRED WITH MARK OR BAMBAM. And I decided to write a Jackson x Qin Fen A WEEK AGO (because i made this when I was still waiting for an invitation for an AO3 acc). So all was okay, BUT THEN AGAIN, Han Mubo x Qin Fen kept showing up in my twt feed that it made slightly feel guilty about writing this (I even thought that I'd change Jackson to Han Mubo but If i did, i'd have to redo everything, so I decided to just leave it be -but don't worry, i'll also make a MUFEN fanfic :))))) ) 
> 
> So here it is, enjoy!!
> 
> Ps: Also, forgive me if there is wrong grammar since English isn't my first language -and I seldom proofread this

"Didn't I already told you to redo it!?" Jackson said and slammed the paper work in the table. 

"I- I already did.." The young woman said, her eyes misting. As if she wants to gain pity by crying. But who's in front of her? It's Jackson Wang, the man whom you can't please ever since he lost contact with his friend. It has already been a month yet Qin Fen still wasn't answering his calls and text messages. He already tried going to his apartment + hometown, but his mother said that he also doesn't know where he is. 

Ugh, _seriously, when is he gonna contact me?_  

"Get out." He commanded. The young woman nodded and picked up the papers she was forced to redo for the nth time. And just when he wanted to relax, another person was already knocking on his door. 

" What is it!?" He yelled. 

"Sir, this is Jieqiong, this are the profiles of those who wants to apply as a rapper / singer / dancer in the company." His secretary on the other side said. Jackson rubbed his temples and told the woman to come in and place the files on his table. 

He stood up and looked at the view in his window. Jackson is in charge of finding new talents and mentoring them, mostly rap. 

"Any news about Qin Fen?" He asked. 

"No Sir, but you should quickly look at the profiles, maybe your mood will change." Jieqiong said and quickly escaped before Jackson can say anything. 

Jackson did as what Jieqiong said and hurriedly opened the envelop, silently thinking that he would make Jieqiong lose her job if there isn't anything good. 

And much to his surprise, just after opening it, the first profile he saw is Qin Fen's. 

"Oh my god." He said to his self. 

"Oh my god!" He repeated, his hands on his head. He broke out in laughter.

Finally, Qin Fen decided to show up after so long. _Just you wait Qin Fen, i'm gonna freaking interrogate you and push you in the corner_.  

At last, work was  done and he got out of his office smiling which caused a ruckus on the employees. They wondered if something good happened that it made the hard-to-please Jackson smile. 

"Shush, his friend finally showed up, and he's entering this company." Jieqiong said while smiling, she told her co-workers the reason for his smile since Jackson losing contact with his friend (that made him a monster) was no secret in the company. The employees smiled at each other thinking that the monster Jackson would be easy to talk to again. 

Morning came and Jackson was in a good mood, he greeted each and every employee, be it the janitor that made him slip last time or the security guard who made him trip because his feet was on the way. 

"What time is it?" He asked Jieqiong who was trying very hard not to roll her eyes because Jackson asked the same question every five minutes. 

"They'll come here in just a minute." She said and not long after Jackson saw a van parking. 

"That's probably them. I'll go greet them. So Sir, go to the training room and we'll be there." Jieqiong said which Jackson complied.

Jieqiong went down to meet the trainees, she as satisfied by how they're polite. She took the chance to look for the famous Qin Fen while they were distracted. Qin Fen saw her looking at him so he shyly smiled at her, Jieqiong also smiled- but her smile dropped almost immediately when she saw a hand on Qin Fen's waist. 

 _Fuck._  She cussed in her mind. She looked at the guy and if she remembers correctly, the guy's name is Han Mubo, a singer and a cellist. She also noticed that Han Mubo was only smiling at Qin Fen and snubbed the other trainees. The guy was very handsome and looked cold. Jieqiong was silently praying inside that Qin Fen and the Han Mubo guy isn't in a relationship- because she knew that Jackson would make their life a living hell, be it the employees or trainees (except Qin Fen  of course) . 

In the meeting room, Jackson is tired of waiting for them - even though not even five minutes had passed  - a dance instructor passed by the meeting room and Jackson called for her. 

"Look for Jieqiong downstairs, she's with the new trainees, tell her to hurry it up. I'm getting impatient." Jackson said and looked once again on his watch for who knows how many times but the minute hand still wasn't moving.  He never knew that minutes and seconds were so long. 

Cheng Xiao nodded and went downstairs only to see Jieqiong stupefied on her spot looking at... two guys?

One guy was familiar because she saw the picture of him and Jackson on Jackson's office. _Is that the Qin Fen guy?_ She thought, secretly delighted because the monster Jackson phase would end. The other one was a tall guy, a bit taller than Qin Fen, he looks very arrogant when he's not smiling. Cheng Xiao also noticed what Jieqiong noticed, the tall guy was only smiling at Qin Fen-- and -- she watched with eyes wide open how the tall guys hand goes to Qin Fen's waist to his hands to his neck to his shoulder like he was embedding Qin Fen's figure on his mind. 

Feeling panicked, she immediately went to Jieqiong. "W-who is that?' She asked stuttering. Oh she could almost imagine how Jackson would roar every now and then after letting these two enter the company. 

"He's Han Mubo," Jieqiong answered. "What should I do?" She turned to her friend, "My mind is now filled with Sir's yell." She added, her face pale. 

They were scared really, one shouldn't deem Jackson nice just by his face because they don't know how scary Jackson could be - especially when it comes to Qin Fen- when he's angry. 

"I also don't know! Jackson is getting impatient now!" Cheng Xiao whispered.

Han Mubo can see the two girl's look on them, but still, he wouldn't let go of Qin Fen. As if he was telling them that Qin Fen was his- only his.


	2. Chapter 2

Jackson is very irritated right now. Jieqiong still isn't back and Cheng Xiao whom he ordered to call Jieqiong was also still not back. _Do they need me to come down and get them?_ He thought angrily. 

"Uhm, are we just gonna stand here?" a trainee asked, Cheng Xiao and Jieqiong's attention went back to them. The sun was shining brightly and most of the trainees were sweating, Jieqiong's eyes went to the two-- Han Mubo was still clinging to Qin Fen -- 

_Oh goodness, don't they sweat?_  

"Jieqiong, let's first take the trainees inside." Cheng Xiao suggested, to which Jieqiong complied. Jieqiong pointed her fingers to the glass door. 

"Come in." She said with a smile on her face, but her smile was replaced with a visible panicked expression, after the last trainees  --Qin Fen and Han Mubo who were still pasted with each other like glue-- went in. 

"Calm down, we'll make things work." Cheng Xiao said, her face with a frown. 

"Okay.." Then they went in. 

The 20 trainees went inside and sighed in relief as the cold air hits their faces. 

"Lao Han, let go of me, I'm sweating can't you see!??" Qin Fen complained, which caused a smile break out on Han Mubo's cold face. 

"Okay, okay, I will let go, now let's seat." Said Han Mubo as he sat down, he tapped the empty space in his side indicating that Qin Fen should sit. Qin Fen rolled his eyes but still sat beside Han Mubo. 

"Do you know those two girls?" Han Mubo asked and pointed to Cheng Xiao and Jieqiong who were still immersed in their conversation about how they would tell Jackson. 

"Ah, the one in the training suit is a dance instructor, I think her name is Cheng Xiao? And the other one is Jieqiong, a dance instructor at night and secretary at day." Qin Fen answered. 

"Secretary?" 

"Uh-huh, secretary of Jackson, my friend that i've been telling you about." At the mention of Jackson, a very cute smile formed in Qin Fen's lip-- a smile that Han Mubo only see whenever they talk about Jackson. That's why even if he was very unwilling to talk about that Jackson, they still chat about him every now and then just for the sake of seeing Qin Fen's cute smile. 

Jieqiong looked at her watch, "7 minutes had passed now," she said. 

"I can imagine Jackson looking at his watch," Cheng Xiao replied. 

"Let's just do what we should do, it's not our problem that Qin Fen made another friend while he was away right?" Jieqiong said, after contemplating for a bit, Cheng Xiao nodded. 

"Jiayou!" They both said to each other. 

Jieqion clapped her hands to gain the attention of the trainees. 

"Please, follow me." She told the trainees and walked with a very nervous heart. They passed by the cafeteria where most of the employees are since it was lunch time. 

"Is that Sir's friend?" One employee asked which gained the attention of the his co-worker. 

"Where? Let me take a look."

"It is!"

"Finally!" 

"Monster Jackson would end now!!" They cheered loudly. One employee even smiled at Qin Fen which perplexed him. Then one after another smiled at him, some even saying "Jiayou!" Qin Fen just smiled back because he doesn't know them.

And unbeknownst to him, Han Mubo glared at the employees -- which made them confused, a senior then pointed at his hands that were on Qin Fen's shoulder. 

They silently think, maybe Monster Jackson wouldn't end, they even thought that the monster inside Jackson would intensify rather than be gone. 

\---

Jackson's mood lighten up when he heard the door creaking. 

"What took you so long?" He asked the two girls as he silently eyed the trainees one by one, trying to find Qin Fen. 

"Uh- we got lost. Hehe." Cheng Xiao said blocking Jackson's view. Jackson squinted his eyes on her, _weird, how could they be lost? They knows every part of the building enough not to get lost._  Albeit suspicious, he just brushed it off and pushed Cheng Xiao lightly on one side to get a clearer view on the trainees. 

Qin Fen entered the door with Han Mubo beside him. He was greeted with Jackson's friendly smile-- which immediately turned into a frown. 

"That's your friend Jackson?" Han Mubo asked, his hands on his shoulder and lips near Qin Fen's ear. Jieqiong and Cheng Xiao's heart almost stopped beating. Can the two get a break!? 

Before Qin Fen even answer, Jackson faked a cough that made all of them stood straight- except for Han Mubo of course.

And for a moment there, Jackson and Mubo glared at each other that made the low temperature in the room even lower. 

"Now start performing." Jackson commanded, his good mood ruined. Almost all the trainees were given F and the highest was C. Cheng Xiao and Jieqiong on the side can only tell the trainees that Jackson's mood was bad and continue working hard. 

At last, it's Qin Fen and Han Mubo's turn. 

"You'll perform together?" Jackson asked, his eyes were on Qin Fen only. 

"Uh-huh." Han Mubo replied in Qin Fen's stead. Oh, how much Jackson wants to strangle this guy. 

"What will you do?" He asked once again, his eyes still on Qin Fen, not batting an eye at all on Han Mubo. 

"Sing and Rap." As if wanting to annoy him, Han Mubo answered his questions again not letting Qin Fen talk. 

Jackson rolled his eyes inwardly and calmed his nerves before telling Cheng Xiao to start the music. A familiar sound emerged from the audio- it was the song he and Qin Fen used to sing together, and that was before he lost contact with Qin Fen. 

He tapped his fingers on the papers on his lap- an action that means he's either interested, nervous, or angry.

It was the latter.

How could Qin Fen sing this song with someone other than him? Jackson thought that this song was exclusively just for the two of them. He was tapping his finger on the paper faster and faster as his thoughts went wayward.

"Stop." Jackson saidd. The music stopped playing and the two stopped singing.

Jackson looked in Qin Fen's eyes which made Qin Fen nervous. _I'm probably gonna get an F_. Qin Fen thought to himself.

"You know what's your problem?" He asked, Qin Fen shook his head while Han Mubo just stared at Jackson.

"You two are not compatible." He plainly said (lied), which caused gasps from the trainees and the two girls only looked at each other and shook their heads, as though undestanding what was going on in Jackson's head.

Honestly speaking, all the people inside thought that the two was the most compatible.

And of course, Jackson knows that, amongst all the trainees only Qin Fen and Han Mubo's performance were the best (together). Add to the fact that they have chemistry together. Jackson feels bad about lying, especially what he's doing needs professionalism, personal feelings weren't allowed at all.

But he can't help it.

'Cause this is Qin Fen that we're talking about.

"Qin Fen, you're so stiff when rapping, you should move, it doesn't look good rapping and just standing, right? You should know better, F." Jackson said harshly, and Qin Fen only nodded meekly. Jackson realized too late what he just said and he can't take it back- those words, he should've had restrained his mouth more and not vent his anger on Qin Fen.

Fact: That was the longest and harshest line he said.  Because mostly, he would just say the rank or if it's bad, okay, fine, or good, and Jieqiong and Cheng Xiao were in charge of telling them what went wrong.

"Han Mubo, fine. D." Cheng Xiao then told Han Mubo what went wrong (but of course she didn't included that most of it went wrong because he performed with Qin Fen and he was very intimate with him.)  A while later, all the people in the room went out, leaving only Jackson inside.

"Aish!" He cursed as he took off his cap and ruffled his hair angrily.

Why was Qin Fen so unfair? Firstly, he didn't contacted him for a MONTH and his mind was almost dead from worrying, ( his mood was also worrying ), secondly, he was walking with Han Mubo's hand on his shoulder that made him angry for some reasons. Then thirdly, the song! The song which he thought was only for the two of them!

Why was Qin Fen affecting him so much?

Jackson stood up from his chair wanting to go out and get a fresh air but was suddenly stopped by a tall Han Mubo.

"What do you want?" He asked.

"Let's talk." Han Mubo answered, Jackson rolled his eyes and made a grunting noise.

"What is it that you want to talk about?"

"Qin Fen deserved better." The tall guy said.

"If he wants a better ranking, he should've had worked harder." Jackson said (lied) with squinting eyes. Qin Fen worked hard enough and he deserves a better ranking- that much he knows.

"He did. And you know that he performed good but you still gave him an F." Jackson opened his mouth to speak but Han Mubo beat him to it. "I thought you were a professional mentor? But you included your own feelings into this and that is not professional."

"That's being childish. You're being goddamn jealous that i'm close to him and our chemistry is freaking good that it makes you insecure." Han Mubo added. He then walked away not leaving any chance for Jackson to speak.

He left Jackson in the room fuming, the words he said pricked Jackson's heart because all of it was true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to talk to me on twt if you like or have any prob with my story :) @xjuliaxkwinx


	3. Chapter 3

A week passed since then and he was distracting his self by working very hard. The employees noticed that although he isn't the Monster Jackson that he was a week ago, his mood dropped 360 degrees. And the employees would rather have the Monster Jackson than a depressed Jackson. It made them depressed too.

Jackson was constantly running back and forth in the main company and the branch company, he also took charge of something he isn't even supposed to take care of.

Reason? Who else could it be but Qin Fen?

"Sir, i'm telling you to rest and take it easy. Why don't you meet Qin Fen? He still wants to see you." Jieqiong persuaded. But all she got was the sound of the keyboards clicking.

"Sir, and there's this thing I wanted to tell you about, and it's about Qin Fen but you kept reje--"

"I don't want to know." Jackson said. And Jieqiong almost wanted to grab her hair and scream out of frustration. How can a grown ass man be so stubborn?

Jieqiong calmed her nerves before turning to Jackson again.

"It's already 10 pm sir, we're working **overtime**." She said emphasizing the word overtime.

"I know and I don't care," Jackson replied. "Ah right, tell Mr. IT to connect my computer to the cameras from the dorms." Although Jieqiong doesn't know what it was for, she still called Mr. IT to do what Jackson said.

After finishing, Jackson said thanks and let Mr. IT go. He scanned his eyes on the screen. And much to his surprise, he saw Han Mubo going inside Qin Fen's room.

"Jieqiong!" Jieqiong immediately went to Jackson's side. "Why is Han Mubo going inside Qin Fen's room? It's already 10 and they should be on their own room." He said, his face frowning.

"That's what i've been trying to tell you!" Jieqiong almost yelled.

"Han Mubo and Qin Fen are living together." She added.

"Why didn't you tell me!?" Jackson questioned. Jieqiong can't help but tug on her hair, "I tried to tell you for the past few days but you kept saying, 'I don't wanna know'." She replied, imitating Jackson.

"But they don't have the same rank?" Jackson asked, perplexed. All this time he thought that different ranks means different dorms. That's also why he gave Han Mubo and Qin Fen different ranks.

Jieqiong almost immediately knew what Jackson thought. "So that's why you gave them different ranks?" She questioned. Jackson faintly nodded that made Jieqiong laughed a little out of frustration.

"Sir, it doesn't mean different ranks= different rooms. The trainees can decide who to be with since the company isn't that strict when it comes to **who they want to be with**." Jieqiong sid, stressing some words to mess with Jackson.

"And--! You should really talk with Qin Fen, it'll be too late once Han Mubo captures Qin Fem's heart."

"But I don't want to capture Qin Fen's heart though?" Jackson replied.

"Ugh! Sir, you know what? I don't want to explain, I don't want to clean up the mess you leave because of Qin Fen, i'm tired of their questions on why you're so depressed, and i'm running out of excuses. I couldn't possibly tell them that, " **Jackson Wang is depressed because he's jealous of Han Mubo clinging to Qin Fen but he doesn't realize it himself!** " Okay? I'm out." Jieqiong said and slammed the door.

"Whoah, I had never seen her that angry before." Jackson whispered.

"And i'm not jealous!" He yelled thinking that Jieqiong left. "You are, duh! You wouldn't be that affected if you weren't!" A familiar voice yelled back.

Sure, he's affected when it comes to Qin Fen and he also wants to know why but-- _is it_ _jealousy?_

He opened his computer and searched 'jealousy' on Google.

_J_ _ealousy: unhappy and slightly angry because you wish you had someone else’s qualities, advantages, or success:_

"Ha. See i'm not jealous. I'm more succesful than Han  Mubo." Jackson whispered, he also searched a little more and saw other definitions of jealousy.

_*fearing that someone you love loves someone else or is loved by someone else_

_*upset and angry because someone that you love seems interested in another person_

After reading the definitions, he quickly turned off his computer.

"Ha.... i'm not jealous.." he whispered to himself.

"That isn't possible."

Han Mubo's words from last week then came to his mind, " _That's being childish. You're being goddamn jealous that i'm close to him and our chemistry is freaking good that it makes you insecure_."

Ah, it would've had been fine if only Mubo told him that because he wouldn't believe him, but now even Jieqiong told him that he was jealous.

He suddenly doesn't know what to think or do.

===  
Tuesday: Jackson will mentor trainees who picked rap.

Only 6 picked rap. Including Qin Fen and Han Mubo.

"Do you even rap?" He asked to Han Mubo who has his arms around Qin Fen's shoulder, _again._

"I do." He replied and then put his attention back on Qin Fen again. But Qin Fen's eyes were on Jackson, making Han Mubo irritated.

\----  
"Can we talk?" Qin Fen asked Jackson. All the trainees left the room and Qin Fen asked Han Mubo to wait for him at the dorm. Leaving only him and Jackson inside.

"For what?"

"For not contacting you for a month. And you not talking to me the time i'm here despite me being here for a week." Qin Fen replied, but Jackson only snorted which made Qin Fen's heart wince and guilty.

"Jackson, oh, come on, look at me." Qin Fen said almost pleadingly. His pleading voice sounded like a lullaby in Jackson's ear.

Jackson finally looked at Qin Fen.  
"Talk. Tell me why you didn't contact me for a month. Tell me who the hell was that guy acting like your boyfriend, tell me why, why do you like making me worried to death? Tell me why, huh." He said, his voice cracking, like he was crying.

"I'm asking you Qin Fen... Answer me." He lowered the bill of his cap to block his face. Qin Fen moved a bit closer to Jackson.

"Then i'm gonna tell you why. I wanted to surprise you, I wanted to let you look at my improvements but it seems that I didn't even improved." Qin Fen said with a bitter smile. _No, you did improved._ Jackson thought. _It was just me being a douche._

"That guy? He's Han Mubo, I met him when I came back here, when you were still in Korea. And it's not that he was acting like my boyfriend you know--" Jackson cut his speech and spoke, "cause he's your boyfriend?" He asked, but only got a knock on his head as a reply.

"No, idiot." Qin Fen giggled a bit. "Let me finish first, idk why he's acting like that but it's just something between friends- and also, I didn't mean to make you worried to death. I'm sorry."

 _Something between friends?_ Jackson thought, _so Han Mubo holding his hand, Mubo putting his hands on Qin Fen's waist, Han Mubo hugging him and Han Mubo almost putting his hands on Qin Fen's pants is just something_ _ **between friends?**_

"I even went to your hometown to ask where the hell you went. But your mother said she doesn't know," he stated, his voice a lot more steadier and no longer cracking.

"Ahh, that?" Qin Fen rubbed his head, "I kinda told them to not tell you my whereabouts."

"........."

"You fucker." Jackson said, a playful smile now hanging on his lips.

"I missed you, dork." Jackson said and opened his arms wide as if welcoming Qin Fen for a hug. Qin Fen smiled at him ignoring his heart that's doing some somersaulting shit and hugged Jackson and whispered, "I missed you, too."

Han Mubo sniffled silently on the other side of the door and went away, his hands on his face as if wanting to cover something. He heard enough, and he doesn't want to hear more.

"Now let's go back to the topic." Qin Fen's face suddenly turned serious.

"Why didn't you let me talk to you for the past few days? I almost thought you hated me."

" How could I hate you? " Jackson replied with a smile. And Jackson's smile is a very nice view in Qin Fen's eyes.

For a while, silence took over them before Jackson spoke again.

"I'm sorry." Jackson said,

"Sorry? Why?" Qin Fen asked, shocked,  because if he remembers, Jackson rarely said sorry to him.

"I didn't mean to give you an F or speak harshly. I kind of vented my anger out on you, because you kept putting your attention on Mubo," Qin Fen smiled widely at his statement.

"You're jealous?" He asked jokingly. Jackson looked at him like he was surprised.

Qin Fen noticed Jackson's sudden silence and his ears that were getting red.

"Y-you were?" He asked once again, perplexed as to why Jackson's expression was surprised, perplexed as to why his expression told him it was _real,_ that he was really _jealous._

"I- i was?" Jackson asked back, stuttering.

"Idiot! How could I know! It's your feelings not mine!" Qin Fen replied laughing, he felt his face turning hot.

Jackson was silent because his mind went back to when Han Mubo and Jieqiong told him that he was jealous and when he searched for it's definition.

And now another person was telling him again that he was jealous. Could it be that he really was jealous?

 _However,_ _it's not like I love Qin Fen?_ Sure, he was upset and angry, but the word after that was affiliated with _love_.

Love, something that he doesn't even want to concern himself with. Because he saw so many people get hurt because of this damnable love.

And he refuse to believe that he's _in love_ with Qin Fen- because it _wasn't right_.

A knock interrupted the two of them and came Jieqiong with papers. She was surprised that the two were talking and were both slightly red. But she was also relieved that Jackson already made up with Qin Fen and her and the employees workloads would lessen now.

"I'll just put these in your office, Sir. Sorry for interrupting." She said with a slight smile on her face and retreated.

===   
Qin Fen waved him goodbye after they chatted a few more - but of course they brushed off the jealousy topic - and they promised to go out together next time to make up for the time they lost.

"What took you so long?" Asked Han Mubo. He was a bit irritated by the smile hanging on Qin Fen's lips.

"Ah. We talked about things." Qin Fed replied, he was even humming that showed his good mood. And that spoiled Han Mubo's mood.

Han Mubo knows that Qin Fen would smile and laugh even at the tiny mention of his friend's name. Qin Fen would even boast that he is Jackson's friend.

And that made Han Mubo jealous.

These past few days when Qin Fen couldn't talk to Jackson because Jackson was being a jerk, Qin Fen was really down that he couldn't even cheer him up. He even planned to talk to Jackson about it. It doesn't even matter if he and Jackson were on bad end, he would still talk to him.

Because, what matters the most to him is Qin Fen's happiness. Because he _loves_ Qin Fen.

He's not like Jackson who refused to accept the truth.    
It's not his style.

And it's even more not his style to let his feelings go unnoticed for years. And he's planning to confess, right here, right now.

Han Mubo hugged Qin Fen from behind and whispered gibberish words.

"Lao Han, what'd you say?" Qin Fen asked, still smiling.

"I said-- I'm sorry." Then he held Qin Fen's chin and kissed him passionately.

====  
Jackson heard a clap beside his ears that pulled him to reality. He saw Cheng Xiao looking at him weirdly.

"What's wrong with you, it's not like you to be distracted- oh wait let me rephrase that, what happened, you're distracted, _again_."

"Nothing." Jackson replied weakly which made Cheng Xiao ignore him and just continue mentoring.

He should be happy now right? Since he and Qin Fen made up. But why does it seem like another burden was placed on his shoulder?

 _Damn that Jieqiong, dared to mention the word jealousy, I swear I'll increase her workload._ He thought hatefully. He can't brush off the jealous part in his mind like he did last time, since even Qin Fen mentioned it.

"Cheng Xiao, come here." He said and Cheng Xiao complied.

"What?" She asked, Jackson thought for a bit before speaking.

"My friend- not Qin Fen okay? My other friend- doesn't like seeing a certain someone with another."

"Then he's jealous." Cheng Xiao interrupted. Silently thinking that this friend of his must be Jackson himself.

"He is??"

"Yes he is, why wouldn't you like seeing him with someone else then if you're not jealous, there is no other possible explanation other than that." She replied. Jackson nodded.

"Eh wait, it's not me! It's my friend." He rolled his eyes, he even told Cheng Xiao to pay attention.

"OKAY, okay, it's not 'you', it's your ''friend" ." Cheng Xiao said a bit annoyed, but also enjoying seeing Jackson suffered since Jackson increased her workloads by ten folds making her extremely busy that she can't even eat properly. And she's not even exaggerating.

"Good, now, he searched for it's meaning and he thought no, that couldn't be jealousy. Because jealousy is affiliated with love." Jackson said, Cheng Xiao's eyes widen in disbelief.

"Jackson, you're a grown ass man, you can't possibly not know what the hell jealousy means and not know that not every jealousy is affiliated with love." She replied, exasperated. 

"Really!?" Jackson asked, his mood brightening, making Cheng Xiao want to spoil it.

"Of course- but also not of course." She stated, wanting to play with Jackson for a bit.

"For starters, there are two kinds of jealousy that your friend may be feeling- jealousy that is affiliated with love, and jealousy that is not affiliated with love."

"If it's the one affiliated with love then, your 'friend' knows that he is in love with that certain someone. And if it's not affiliated with love then-- it's not possible. Based on your actions-- you just wouldn't accept that you're in love." She said, deliberately mentioning " _you"_ instead of " _your friend"._

"And I would not be surprised if that certain someone would get taken away by **another** certain someone. Now if you'll excuse me, I got some mentoring to do." She added, leaving Jackson ---who did not even realize that she just said 'you'--- to contemplate about what she just said.   
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to talk to me on twitter if you like or have any prob with my story :) @xjuliaxkwinx


	4. Chapter 4

"Lao Han!??" Qin Fen pushed Han Mubo away, but Han Mubo would still come back to him- his lips specifically.

Han Mubo kissed Qin Fen again, locking Qin Fen's struggling hands on his chest. He took up the chance to insert his tongue inside Qin Fen's cavern when he was distracted.

Han Mubo tasted a sweet yet minty flavour inside Qin Fen's mouth. _Must be the candy_ _._ He thought and continued savouring Qin Fen.

A moan escaped Qin Fen's lips.

He wants to talk but can't; he's almost out of breathe, he's tearing up, yet Han Mubo kept twisting and turning his tongue inside Qin Fen's mouth.

Han Mubo then let go of Qin Fen's one hand to insert his hands inside Qin Fen's shirt.

Another moan escaped Qin Fen's lips.

"Lao Han! Wake up!" He said after mustering up the courage to push the distracted Han Mubo with his free hand. Qin Fen wiped his mouth and patted the creased clothes that Han Mubo made.

"Are you drunk?!" Qin Fen shouted and stifled a sob, Han Mubo noticed Qin Fen's eyes; it's full of tears. Qin Fen's pitiful appearance tugged on Han Mubo's heart- and also made him guilty. He averted his eyes from Qin Fen and sat properly.

Qin Fen glanced around their room and saw a few empty bottles of beer lying around their floor. He got shocked, how could he drink this much when he was gone for only half an hour.

"Lao Han, be honest, why did you drink this much?" Qin Fen asked. Han Mubo didn't answer but instead faced him and wiped Qin Fen's tears using his fingers.

 _If I told you that I really didn't drink and just put some empty bottles and pretended to be drunk just to kiss you, would you believe me?_ Han Mubo thought, _Probably not, because you don't even realize my feelings for you._ He answered himself the question he wants to ask Qin Fen.

In his face was a bitter sad smile that can make almost everyone's heart feel pity for him.

Qin Fen wanted to ask again, but he didn't -- because Han Mubo's now leaning on his shoulder, crying and repeating the words, 'I'm sorry.'

\------------

"Jieqiong," Cheng Xiao called.

"Yea?" Jieqiong answered.

"What's with your boss today? He's crazy. He asked me something about jealousy and even made up some story about his "friend"." Cheng Xiao replied while reading the files Jackson asked them to do.

"Aren't you used to it? He's always crazy. Look, if that isn't crazy then what is it?" Jieqiong laughed and pointed to Jackson who was folding some paper airplanes and throwing them.

Outside the building some kids played with the airplane Jackson threw. One of them opened the paper airplane to make a better one, only to see some words inside.

_"I'm not Jealous."_

Jackson stood up after getting tired of writing and throwing those paper airplanes.

"Sir, where are you going? There's literally heaps of files you have in your table." Jieqiong stated which made Jackson stop on his tracks.

"Uh.. i'll be quick, really." Jackson slyly smiled and then ran off, leaving the two girls inside his office to continue the works he was supposed to do so.

"I bet 50 bucks that he's going to go see Qin Fen." Cheng Xiao cheekily said.

"You betcha." Jieqiong replied and laughed.

Jieqiong and Cheng Xiao are indeed right. He went to see Qin Fen.

But there's a problem.

He doesn't know how.

Should he first buy a food?  
Ah, right, he should first buy one, so that he can have a reason to see Qin Fen. He quickly bought Qin Fen's favorite food- but he stopped in front of the big mirror to fix his clothes and hair, patting his chest to erase the nervous feeling -which obviously did not work-.

Then a question emerged in his mind.

Why is he suddenly shy? And what's with him buying food? When he used to go to Qin Fen's apartment in his pj's with no food or whatsover but can still kick it off with him.

_Aish, nevermind._

And then he continued to walk until Qin Fen and Han Mubo's dorm while whistling. Clearly in a good mood.

He knocked once, but no one answered, he knocked for the second time but no one still answered.

So he turned the door knob and much to his surprise, it wasn't locked.

He thought that he would tell Qin Fen off to always lock the door. Jackson silently opened the door thinking  that he would surprise Qin Fen.

But guess what?

He's the one that got surprised.

Jackson walked in at them exactly the moment when Han Mubo was saying sorry with unknown gibberish words, crying, hugging and leaning on Qin Fen's shoulder. He then noticed that Qin Fen's eyes were red, Qin Fen was also patting Han Mubo's back.

"It's okay, you were drunk." He heard Qin Fen say.

"No," _I wasn't drunk._ Han Mubo replied, and held back a sob, "I'm sorry, i'm sorry for kissing you. I'm really sorry."

It was then that Jackson heard what the gibberish words were.. Han Mubo was saying sorry for kissing Qin Fen. He quickly looked at Qin Fen's lips to see if it was true.

And it is.

Qin Fen's lips were plump and more red than usual. Looking cute, sexy, handsome, you name it. Jackson got no need to hear the truth since Qin Fen's lips already told him.

He felt his heart wince in pain and anger. He wants to go to where they are and punch the hell out of Han Mubo. But he **can't**. 'Cause even if Qin Fen is his best friend, Jackson knows the limit between them.

He placed the food he ordered on their doorstep and quitly left with an aching heart. 

Maybe-- just maybe.... maybe he really is _jealous_.

======

"You're already back? That's fa--" Jieqiong didn't get to continue what she was saying because of Jackson's very obvious drop in mood. She thought that Jackson's mood would be good after coming back but his face says otherwise. She can literally see a dark cloud over his head.

Jieqiong looked at Cheng Xiao but the latter only shrugged. Then they continued to do their work as to not further irritate Jackson.

A while later Jackson called for them.

"If i'm jealous, does that mean I love or like him?" Jackson asked turning his swivel chair around so that the two won't see his face that just turned for the worst. He remembered again the scene he just saw, and his brain just kept imagining Qin Fen and Han Mubo kissing against his will!

Jieqiong was about to open her mouth but Jackson talked again.

"On the other hand, don't, I think I already know." He added. Jieqiing and Cheng Xiao looked at each other and shrugged.

But then- Cheng Xiao got an idea. "Let's mess with Jackson; a revenge for making us do all his work." she whispered to Jieqiong with a wicked smile. Although it's not good, Jieqiong complied, she also want revenge for the lack of sleep because of the heaps of work Jackson made them do.

"Okay, you already know the answer. But let us tell you something." Cheng Xiao said.

"I said don't--"

"Being jealous means you like him- love him even! So sir, make a move first before the other can. Jiayou!" Jieqiong interrupted, not letting Jackson talk like what Jackson did to her.

 _But the other already made a move_. Jackson thought as he pulled down the bill of his cap to cover his face, albeit no one can see his face because his back is turned on them.

"But it isn't right though?" Jackson --after a moment of silence-- asked.

"What isn't right for falling in love?" Cheng Xiao asked back.

"Well.. he's my friend, and between friends this isn't right." Jackson replied, his voice so low they can barely hear it.

Cheng Xiao and Jieqiong, "........"

"Sir, just because he's your friend doesn't mean you can't fall in love with him." Jieqiong said with a sigh.

"Right, it's not like the heart can choose on who you fall in love. It's perfectly justified." Cheng Xiao added.

After saying that the two heard a very loud sigh from Jackson. Jackson then waved his hands on them indicating that they should do their works.

-

"What's this?" Qin Fen asked, picking up the paper bag with the logo of his favorite foodchain. _Could it be that Jackson walked in on us kissing?_ Qin Fen had a mini heart-attack at the thought, but then, he realized it was impossible because Qin Fen can't be that fast.

Qin Fen has finally succeeded to calm Han Mubo down. And Han Mubo is sitting on the couch looking very pitiful.

What Han Mubo is concerned the most right now is whether Qin Fen would still treat him the same, because normally, people wouldn't.

Thinking like that, he mustered up another courage to confess to Qin Fen, so that if ever his and Qin Fen's friendship is ruined, at least, he conveyed his feelings for him- as to not have any regrets in the after life.

"Qin Fen." Qin Fen made a small "hmm?" as an answer.

"I like you." Han Mubo declared, his eyes now looking at Qin Fen's eyes. Qin Fen was stupefied and almost dropped the paper bag that he knows is from Jackson, (he wouldn't dare ruin anything if it's from Jackson,)

"I love you," Han Mubo continued, still looking at the petrified Qin Fen.

"... since way back then."

This time, Qin Fen dropped the paper bag with the food that Jackson painstakingly bought, ruining the food inside...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to talk to me on twitter if you like or have any prob with my story :) @xjuliaxkwinx


	5. Chapter 5

Jackson tapped his nervous heart and breathed in and out.

"Today is the day." He declared in front of his reflection.

Today is the day that he'll confess to Qin Fen. Not just because Jieqiong and Cheng Xiao urged him to do so, but also because he now accepted the fact that he loves Qin Fen.

He doesn't want to run away from reality anymore, he doesn't want to be a douche who has swing moods all over again because of Qin Fen, much less see Qin Fen got taken away by that damnable bastard Han Mubo who already made a move on him. 

He fixed his clothes for the nth time and looked at the paper bag with the logo of Qin Fen's favorite restaurant along with a single piece of rose inside. And since Qin Fen is still in the middle of practicing, he decided to think on what he should say.

He hopes that this time, no interruption would take place.

======  
"Jieqiong," Cheng Xiao called, her eyes locked on someone.

"Yea?" Jieqiong who was in a track suit replied, her eyes also locked on someone.

"Why is Han Mubo so intimate with Qin Fen more than usual?" Cheng Xiao asked.

"Yeah..... and why is Qin Fen so shy around Han Mubo?" Jieqiong asked back.

They were on a break so the trainees can do whatever they want. But that doesn't mean they can flirt like no one was around.

"I guess Han Mubo already did a move?" Cheng Xiao said as she perfectly- and naturally put her arms around Jieqiong. Jieqiong blushed a little but brushed it off with a cough. Jieqiong then nodded, "Must be why Sir had a dark cloud over his head." 

"Qin Fen," Han Mubo called for who knows how many times, but Qin Fen kept on avoiding him. 

This was the expected results he had yesterday when he confessed. But, seeing it in real life how Qin Fen avoided him -- he can't take it -- and then he realized, he can't live even for a second without Qin Fen.  

"Qin Fen." He called again, but Qin Fen avoided him, **again** _._  

"Qin Fen, come on.." Han Mubo wrapped his arms around Qin Fen's waist, his head on Qin Fen's shoulder. "Let's talk," He breathed and nibbled on Qin Fen's ears --which is Qin Fen's erogenous zone-- and just as Qin Fen was about to refuse, Han Mubo talked again, " I won't take no as an answer." He said sharply, but his voice softened unintentionally. He can't bear to talk to Qin Fen with a harsh voice-- he's not like a **certain someone** who do so because he's jealous. 

Cheng Xiao and Jieqiong watched them with eyes wide open- wanting to stop them from flirting and saving Jackson's face-- but Han Mubo's cold demeanor stopped them to do so. 

Han Mubo is just so scary. 

"Should we stop the practice now?" Jieqiong asked as she gulped, "I don't want to see anymore of their flirting, and i'll also feel bad for Sir." She added.

"Well, although... it's just been 3 hours, i'll do as what you say." Cheng Xiao replied and clapped, gaining the attention of all the trainees --well, except for the two in the corner--.

"Practice will stop for now, you can all go back." Cheng Xiao said, and although the trainees were confused as to why practice ended so early, they still obeyed and went back to their dorms, including the two guys flirting. 

They just hope that Jackson wouldn't know that they let the trainees go early.

"I can never get used to their flirting." Jieqiong breathed a sigh as the trainees went out. 

"Then you better get used to it," Cheng Xiao replied, a confused Jieqiong faced her.

"Cause i'm gonna flirt with you-- non-stop." Cheng Xiao voiced with a sly smile that looks so enchantingly evil which made Jieqiong blush for the 2nd time today.   

Qin Fen quickly escaped Han Mubo's hands and went to the little playground at the back of the company. He sat on the swing and swung himself absentmindedly.

He can't face Han Mubo right now, he can't accept his feelings. 

Because **he loves someone else**. 

His mind went  back to when Han Mubo confessed. 

_"I love you." Qin Fen went stupefied over Han Mubo's words._

_".. since way back then." Han Mubo confessed, in his eyes were expectation, but also a tender gaze as if he only wants to convey  his feelings and not ask for an answer._  
_Qin Fen doesn't know what to say, because this is the first time he got confessed to. And also-- because Qin Fen himself knows that he can't return Han Mubo's feelings. He never felt anything for Han Mubo, even when Han Mubo puts his hands all over his body._

_"So--"_

_"Don't." Han Mubo said, his eyes lost all the expectation and left are only the tender and pained gaze._

_"We can take it slow," Han Mubo added._

_"I'll wait for you." He also said, not letting Qin Fen answer because Han Mubo was afraid that Qin Fen would say something that would break his heart into tiny pieces that even he himself can't heal._

_"Or do you love someone else?" Han Mubo asked and his eyes went to the now ruined take-out that he knows Jackson bought because Qin Fen always talked about Jackson being so unique and cute when folding a take-out bag._

_Qin Fen once again went stupefied on his spot. His hands were shivering and sweating, and he tried to hide it by pressing them together-- but Han Mubo saw it. Han Mubo's lips were pressed into a thin line now. He knows Qin Fen well enough to know that Qin Fen can barely lie because his shivering hands always lay out the truth._

_Silence enveloped the room._

_"So you do--"_

_"No!" Qin Fen denied. Han Mubo gulped and close his eyes,_ he's lying _, he thought._

_But it's okay, as long as Qin Fen said that there was no one, he would always assume that there really is_ _**no one.** _

_"Okay," Han Mubo forced a smile that he prayed to God looks sincere and doesn't look bitter, because he isn't sure of what his face looks like right now._

Qin Fen sighed as the memories stopped. He swung himself a few times and kicked the dirt on the ground to at least distract his mind from going somewhere else. 

But it didn't worked. 

He remembered yet again how Han Mubo asked if he likes someone else-- the first one to come in his mind was Jackson. That damnable fucking dense friend of his. 

At the thought of Jackson, he smiled unconsciously and his mood lightened, he reminiscent the time they were together. To how they first met in Korea, to how they were in the same show together and to how he unknowingly fell in love with Jackson's smile, his voice, the way he dances, the way he interacts with another and how Jackson is so dense in the world of love. 

And only then did Qin Fen realized how wrong he was to fall in love with someone like Jackson --it's hurting him more than he thought it would.

Qin Fen spotted a few paper airplanes lying on the ground. 

"Who wastes so much paper only for an airplane?" He asked to himself, but nevertheless, he picked it up, wanting to write the displeasure he feels and let it go with the wind. He took the pen in his pocket and opened the paper airplane-- only to see something written inside. 

"Eh?" He muttered, inside the paper airplanes were the words, _"I'm not jealous."_ Qin Fen thought that the person whoever wrote this must be a child, or if not, a childish person. And oddly enough, the paper airplane + the writings looks so much and gave him the feels that it belongs to Jackson.

And it made him smile yet again.

He opened the cap of the pen and wrote something below the ' _I'm not jealous'_ words.

_"You are, and this is the reality."_ Although he knows the possibility of the owner to see this is less than 1%, he still wrote it, to atleast convey what he thinks. _This is fun,_ he thought.

He opened the other paper airplanes only to find the same words again, so he wrote the same words he wrote too. Qin Fen thought that the person who wrote this must be going through so much that Qin Fen almost felt pity-- well, almost because as he opened the last paper airplane, he saw that the words were different.

_'Maybe I am, maybe I like him.'_

So Qin Fen wrote ' _Jiayou! Confess now before someone else get him! Be happy with the guy you like!"_

Qin Fen was glad for whoever wrote this, he was glad that he accepted the reality. He was glad for the owner and glad for whoever the owner likes. Because based on the guy's handwriting?* He seems like a nice guy.

Now he just hopes that someday, he can be happy with the guy he likes too.

=====

"What? The trainees' practice ended early?" Jackson asked once again to the employee who was looking at Jackson's clothes and Jackson's hair. The employee wondered what the occasion was because Jackson never bothered to fix his hair, but now it's all nice and handsome, and all Jackson ever wore were simple clothes-- but today, there's something extravagant in Jackson that the employee can't explain. 

"Hey, i'm talking to you!" The employee went back to reality when Jackson spoke. 

"Ah-eh your cloth-- I mean, yes! It ended early." The employee said as he rubbed his neck awkwardly, he was so preoccupied  with Jackson's clothes that he stuttered. Jackson raised an eyebrow in suspicions but he let the employee go. 

Jackson eyed his clothes once again- _is there something weird about it?_  He asked himself as he stood in front of the mirror. A turtle-necked black long sleeve plus a trench coat and a ripped jeans that give off a dangerous yet sexy aura with a stylish belt --something he never wore at work-- is good right?

"It's all good." Jackson said in front of the mirror and tapped his nervous heart.

Jackson wondered why the practice ended early-- but who cares? It also means that he can confess earlier to Qin Fen.

He picked up the uniquely folded paper bag and hummed all the way through the trainee's dorms, gaining the attention of all men and women.

And just as he was near Qin Fen's dorm, he met with the tall guy Han Mubo.

Aiye, as expected...

Enemies do meet on narrow roads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my country - in our area, at least-- good handwriting means good person.
> 
> Feel free to talk to me on twitter if you like or have any problems with this :) @xjuliaxkwinx


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me if there's grammatical error and for repeating words twice, thrice or whatever, my brain wasn't working when I wrote this chap :<
> 
> And you all know that Chinese doesn't have a word to separate "her/she" and "him/he" and only call them "tā" right? Well brace yourself cause there's some below.

Han Mubo raised his chin at the sight of Jackson -as if he was telling Jackson that he is more taller than him- Jackson rolled his eyes and glared at Han Mubo, smiling smugly --as if he was telling Han Mubo that he was more handsome than him--. And only then Han Mubo noticed Jackson's clothes. 

It was -way- different from before. 

Han Mubo looked up and down as if he was scrutinizing Jackson, -- ah, wait, remove the 'as if', Han Mubo was really doing that. Han Mubo also noticed a big paper bag beside Jackson that is folded in a unique way. Furthermore, there was a long thing inside the paper bag that Han Mubo was sure it was a freaking flower. 

And Han Mubo was fucking sure that he lost the will to continue the staring game with Jackson. He walked away, his mood dropped ever so greatly that everyone who passed by him made way for him. Han Mubo was confident that Jackson would confess today.  _For Goodness sake, why today,_ he thought.  He kept his head low so that no one could ever see his shivering lips and tears threatening to fall from his eyes. 24 hours still hasn't passed and he already lost. 'Cause Han Mubo was once again certain that Qin Fen with no doubt pick Jackson over him any other day. 

 _Why is destiny so unfair?_ He thought, and he let the first drop of tear fall from his eyes.  

Jackson wasn't sure why Han Mubo walked away, so he shrugged it off and continue on to go to Qin Fen's dorm. He knocked, but there was no one who answered. He tried to turn the knob, but it was locked. 

Qin Fen wasn't there. 

"Where could he be?" He murmured. And just as he wanted to go and come back later, Qin Fen showed up. 

Oh how brightly he smiled when he saw Qin Fen staring at him. 

"Qin Fen!" Jackson yelled, gaining the attention of the trainees in the corridor and of course Qin Fen who was dreamily looking at him. 

As Jackson walked towards him, Qin Fen was sure that he felt his face growing hot and red by the seconds. Qin Fen suddenly don't know what to do. Should he go greet him? Or should he walk away? Ah, but why would he walk away? That would just show how embarrassed he was-- or how he was having butterflies in his stomach even!

Thus, Qin Fen decided to just greet him with an awfully awkward smile, which Jackson didn't noticed because his heart was doing some crazy dance steps. Jackson hugged Qin Fen without Qin Fen's permission. Qin Fen was fucking scared alright, he was very scared that Jackson would notice his beating heart- but what he didn't know is Jackson's heart was also beating very loudly. That's why they thought that the hammering heart beat was their owns. 

They hugged for a good 30 seconds before Jackson pulled away. 

"What's the occasion?" Qin Fen asked with a laugh as he looked at Jackson, gaze going up and down.  _He looks very handsome today_. 

"Really? Well, i'm always handsome, heh~" Jackson replied smugly, leaving Qin Fen realize that he must've had said his thoughts out loud. He mentally slapped his mouth, how could he say something like that!? 

Seeing Qin Fen today, Jackson tried very hard to restrain his self to kiss him. 

"Uhm, remember yesterday when you said that we'll hang out?" Qin Fen nodded. 

"Can we hang out today?" 

"Ha?" Qin Fen was caught of guard, and Jackson thought that Qin Fen doesn't want to be with him. Jackson panicked that he stuttered trying to explain that he only wants to spend time with him (using the excuse 'to make up for the time they lost').

"Well, it's okay, but I haven't showered yet." Qin Fen said awkwardly. 

"Dude, that's okay!" Jackson said smiling ever so brightly that it made Qin Fen's heart jump yet again for God knows how many times. But even though he's weak to Jackson's smile? He still wouldn't comply, he can't go to somewhere with Jackson looking and smelling sweaty right? All Qin Fen wants is to look best in front of Jackson. 

"I'll make it quick, you can just wait in the dorms." Qin Fen said as he ran to their dorm and held the door as if waiting for Jackson to enter. Jackson was about to say yes but he remembered when Han Mubo was saying sorry for kissing Qin Fen. Oh that damnable memory. So Jackson refused against his will. 

"I'll just wait in the lobby." He said and waved to Qin Fen. 

 

 

Qin Fen just finished showering and he was true to his words when he said he would make it quick, only 5 minutes have passed yet he was already out of the shower. And now, Qin Fen is stuck in a dilemma. 

"What should I wear?" He murmured. Qin Fen only bought a few good clothes and it's all in the dirty laundry, all that's left is a shirt that's the same as what's Jackson's wearing right now. Although not the same color, its style is a turtle-necked long sleeve. Should he wear it? But if he did, it would make them look a like a couple (although that's what Qin Fen wants). Time was ticking and he just put it on, and went to Jackson in the lobby with a heart beating like a drum. 

"Hi..?" Qin Fen said awkwardly. But Jackson just looked at him without saying anything, making Qin Fen more nervous than before.  _As I thought, wearing this wasn't a good thing._  He thought with a self-deprecating smile that Jackson did not see because he turned around to not let Qin Fen see the smile he was trying to restrain for so long. 

 _Goodness, is Qin Fen trying to kill me by being cute!?_   

"Jackson?" Jackson hummed as a response. 

"I'll change clothes okay?" 

"Eh? No! -- I mean, why?" Jackson asked. 

"Well, it seems that you don't like it?" Qin Fen said while fiddling his fingers.  _How cute,_ Jackson thought. But he doesn't like it? Who said he didn't like it? 

"Who said I didn't like it?"  _I love it, even._ Qin Fen just looked at him, perplexed. And then it hit Jackson. Qin Fen must've had thought that he hated it.

Jackson suddenly had an urge to laugh and hug Qin Fen-- he did both. Which of course caught Qin Fen off-guard.

"You don't hate it?" Qin Fen asked, their bodies still sticked together.

"Of course not, idiot." Jackson removed himself from the hug, but his hands are still in Qin Fen shoulder.

"It's cute." Jackson said.

"We look like a couple," he added. And then he put his arms on Qin Fen's shoulder so naturally and perfectly that Qin Fen thought that Jackson must've done this numerous time.

They went to the movies, like how couples do. Qin Fen bought the ticket and Jackson bought foods. They were immersed and happy in their own little world that Jackson almost forgot what his objective was.

But of course, Jackson could save that for later. What's important right now is spending his time with his crush.

They also went to the mall-- bought matching clothes that they call "Bro's shirt" 

(but secretly inside their mind, they call it couple shirt), they strolled, ate snacks and finally ate dinner at a fancy restaurant. 

If one didn't know any better, they would think that these two were a couple. Ohh, how their gazes hold meanings that only the two of them can understand, the way they treated each other and how they look into each other as if only they exist in one another's eyes.

 But of course, that's not all, Jackson's hand was always on either Qin Fen's shoulder or waist -- Jackson wouldn't just let Han Mubo experience all the fun right?

"Was it fun?" Asked Jackson as he sipped into his wine. 

"It was." Qin Fen replied, his heart still pounding from the excitement from earlier. 

And they smiled to each other.

"Ah, that reminds me, why are you so dressed up today?" Qin Fen asked, which made Jackson gulp.

"It can't be that you wore that just because of today right?" He said and laughed. Jackson gulped once again. _But I did._ He doesn't know what to say, he just can't lie, that would make him guilty.

But then an idea came to mind.

Jackson smiled at Qin Fen ever so brightly and sweetly as if Jackson was thinking of something romantic. Qin Fen's heart once again hammered like a drum.

"You're right." Qin Fen braced himself for Jackson's answer. Qin Fen was thinking that Jackson would say something _'But I did,'_ or something along the line-- even if it was a joke.

"I didn't wore this just because of today." Jackson added. And Qin Fen was fucking sure that he felt his heart stop.

"I wore this because I'm thinking of confessing to my crush." Jackson added.

 _Stop. Stop. Stop talking please_. Qin Fen thought, his hand gripping the utensils tightly as if any moment it would break;  his face still hanging a smile-- although it lost its shine.

"And today was a practice if ever me and my crush got a date together. I'm glad that you thought it was fun." Jackson added, _again_.

After what Jackson said, Qin Fen not only felt his heart stop, he also felt it breaking into tiny pieces. _So I was a guinea pig._ He self-deprecatingly laughed at himself --that only sounded like a geniune laugh at Jackson's ear-- Qin Fen told Jackson 'good' 3 times and Jackson only smiled back at him --currently planning to say some words about this 'crush' of his and then confess to Qin Fen.--

Qin Fen at this time wanted to be swallowed by a hole, he really do. He almost embarrassed himself infront of Jackson. And for the nth time since he fell in love with Jackson, Qin Fen thought that it really wasn't good to fall in love with a dense human.

"You wanna know about him?*" Jackson asked, beaming. How could Qin Fen say no to that? So he said yes.

"He's cute." Jackson said. Qin Fen fought the urge to stand up and walk away.

"He's lovely." _I'm sure that whoever caught your eyes would be one._

"He's tall, but i'm taller than him." _I wish that was me._

 _"_ He's beautiful." Qin Fen sipped on his wine to cover his shivering lips.

 _"_ We have the same music taste." Qin Fen put big pieces of steak on his mouth to momentarily distract himself from Jackson's words even though his appetite was no where to be seen anymore and he felt nauseous. But it's okay, it's better than hearing Jackson talk about the love of his life.

"His smile always put me at ease." Qin Fen felt vomitting,

"Little does he know how his small actions always attracts me,"

"Little does he know how my heart beats like a drum whenever he smile, talk, and walk towards me. Little does he know how our little touches give me butterflies in my stomach." Qin Fen's shivering hands were on his stomach- it was hurting. But it's also okay, because at least, something could distract him from feeling his heart going numb

"And little does he know how he shines so brightly doing the things he love. Little does he know how he shines so brightly into my eyes." Jackson finished, his heart still hammering, it was his first time to confess  and he doesn't know how it would go.

Well, guess what.

It didn't go well.

Because Qin Fen's head was now drooping so low that it touched the table, his hands on his stomach and crying out, "it hurts" which Qin Fen himself wasn't sure if he was talking about his stomach,

Or his heart.  


 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT BELOW!! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED

Han Mubo rushed immediately to the hospital after learning of what happened to Qin Fen. He was so fucking worried that he almost felt his heart stop on his way there. And right now, the only thing he wants to do is punch the fucking hell out of Jackson.

As Han Mubo ran towards the counter, he asked what room Qin Fen was and went to the said room. Han Mubo felt his heart cry at the sight of Qin Fen lying on the bed with an IV drip on his hand, his brows were frowning as if he was remembering or feeling something unpleasant.

Han Mubo brushed the hair that was covering Qin Fen's closed eyes.  _Even in his sleep, he's still so beautiful,_  he thought. He fought the urge to kiss Qin Fen on his lips and just kissed Qin Fen on his forehead.

And as he was about to go out, he heard Qin Fen saying some gibberish words,  _"Stop talking..."_ Han Mubo moved closer to Qin Fen to hear what those words were, " _I don't want to hear,"_

Hear what? Han Mubo had a feeling that Jackson said something to Qin Fen that upset him.  _That fucker!_ He brushed his hands on Qin Fen's hair yet again and he felt his nerves calming. He went out immediately after, because he was afraid that he might do something to Qin Fen.

It's just hard to control, yourself you know? Especially when the one you love is in front of you.

As he went out, the first person he saw was Jackson - and his anger towards him intensified. He rushed to Jackson with red ears and face, Han Mubo felt like exploding. He wanted to punch Jackson right there and right now, but he can't, since they were in the hallway, filled with old people. So he pulled Jackson in the corner where people can't see and punched him there.

Jackson knew that he fucked up so,  _so_  bad. He was so immersed with the image of Qin Fen's face on his head that he didn't notice the real Qin Fen in front of him. He was dumb, he knows. Jackson wanted to punch himself too, and fortunately or unfortuantely, Han Mubo did it for him. 

"What the fuck happened!?" Han Mubo yelled to the black-eyed and stupefied Jackson. His veins popping out from his neck, hands, and face.

Jackson didn't answer and that only intensified Han Mubo's anger, yet again.

"I was about to give up on him you know?!" Han Mubo stated, which caused Jackson to perk up his ears, but not pulled out from his daze,

"Cause I fucking thought that you could fucking make him happy, I thought you could fucking protect the hell out of Qin Fen but what the fuck did you do!? Qin Fen was so visibly upset, he was even murmuring something in his sleep-- you-- you-- UGH!" Han Mubo groaned, he gave up talking some sense to Jackson who was still in a freaking daze and he tried to remember how his fingertips brushed Qin Fen's hair to at least calm his nerves.

Luckily, it worked.

"Go home." Han Mubo demanded.

"Fuck-- No!" Hearing that, Jackson was finally out from his daze and immediately refused to go home. He looked funny with the black eye Han Mubo gave him- but it also made him look so sincere.

Han Mubo only glared at him, veins still lifted from his flesh, and for a moment, silence filled them.

"What was Qin Fen saying?" Jackson after a moment of silence asked. Han Mubo didn't want to answer him, really. But he thought that he should at least let Jackson know what he fucking caused Qin Fen to feel. 

"Qin Fen said "Stop talking," and he even said 'I don't want to hear.' Jackson, let me tell you something, although I don't freaking know what you fucking told him, i'm pretty sure it was something shitty- corny or whatnot. I thought you were gonna confess? How the hell can a fucking confession lead to this?" Han Mubo said. And albeit Jackson was confused as to how Han Mubo knew he was going to, he still kept silent.

"Qin Fen always over-eat when he's upset," Han Mubo paused to look at Jackson. 

"You don't know that!? Aren't you his 'bestfriend'!?" Han Mubo yelled again. 

"I know!" Jackson yelled back because he can't stand Han Mubo's yelling all over again. 

"So you knew, but why didn't you fucking noticed!" 

"Because I was so fucking immersed on telling him what I loved about him!" 

Han Mubo stopped when he heard Jackson. 

"And Qin Fen probably misunderstood me!" Jackson shouted frustratedly. 

And they don't know how but they entered a glaring contest for the nth time ever since they met each other. It only stopped when a nurse spotted them and offered to help Jackson by putting ice on his swollen eyes. 

===========

Qin Fen woke up with the familiar smell of hospital entering his nose. He felt someone grip on his hand, his eyes lit up momentarily but also dimmed after seeing that the one he expected wasn't the one by his side after all. 

"What? Disappointed that i'm not Jackson?" Han Mubo said with a playful smile that hid his wincing heart. Qin Fen jerked up at the name if Jackson, he felt his face growing red by the seconds.

Han Mubo felt a knife pierce his heart. But he didn't let Qin Fen notice-- well, Qin Fen  _wouldn't_ notice anyway. 

"... Where's he?" Qin Fen asked, his voice a bit raspy making it seem so sexy. 

"He went home." Han Mubo said. Qin Fen let out a small 'oh' with a hint of disappointment visibly displayed on his face. Han Mubo stood up, taking the initiative to ask if Qin Fen wanted water because he can't stand Qin Fen being so depressed because of Jackson.  He went out of the room to buy, not noticing Jackson sitting on the chair in the hallway, holding a plastic bag and playing paper airplane with his hands, not knowing where to let it fly; watching the room with dark eyes; Jackson did not sleep for the night.

He was too worried to. 

Jackson took the chance to enter Qin Fen's room while Han Mubo was away, his swollen eyes no longer that swollen, but as he wanted to look good in front of Qin Fen he put on an eye mask, making him more sexy + his outfit.

"Are you okay?" Qin Fen's ears perked up at the sound of Jackson's voice. Qin Fen slowly turned his head towards the door, Jackson was there, standing with a plastic bag, an eyemask, dark eyes and the barely visible paper airplane on the pocket of his trench coat. Qin Fen's low mood suddenly lit up in an astonishing speed even he cannot fathom how.

"I-i'm okay now," he stuttered. Jackson stepped in closer to him-- well, maybe a little bit tad too close.

Jackson held Qin Fen's face and moved it right to left, checking Qin Fen's condition. Jackson furrowed his brows noticing that Qin Fen was so pale. 

"Sorry..." Jackson apologized,  his hands no longer on Qin Fen's face but on Qin Fen's hand with the IV drip on it. Jackson sat on the chair beside the bed and held up Qin Fen's hand near his face.

Qin Fen's heart suddenly started beating abnormally.

Jackson intertwined his fingers with Qin Fen's fingers, he kissed the back of Qin Fen's hand, his brows furrowed even deeper.

"Sorry..." he repeated. Qin Fen felt something tug on his lips, his pale face reddening. They stayed like that for a good minute. 

And as if remembering something, Jackson shoot up from his seat and picked the plastic bag he put down on the table.

"It's not from your favorite restaurant but-- I hope you can still eat this," Jackson said and rubbed his neck awkwardly. He removed the porridge and sportsdrink  out of the plastic bag, 

 _"Why do I have to walk in on them every time they're doing some shits that would break my heart into pieces?"_ Han Mubo uttered with a bitter smile and a small voice only he can hear. He didn't know what to do with the water on his hand, so he just drank it by himself.

Since it seems that Qin Fen doesn't need it.

Qin Fen accepted the food from Jackson shyly. Jackson smiled at the scene. He endured the urge to go up and hug him. Qin Fen ate the food slowly. They talked and laughed, but there was something missing-- the closeness. 

Qin Fen still feels down after hearing Jackson's confession to who knows who. Well, who wouldn't be anyway? The person you love for years suddenly declared their love for who knows who the lucky person is in front of your face. He wanted to talk normally with Jackson; but he can't, so he pretended to play with the utensils, pretended to smile, and pretended that his heart wasn't aching, pretended that his aching heart didn't made his stomach ache worse.

He wants to ask who the lucky person is, but also doesn't want to. He doesn't want to know whoever made Jackson look so smitten, he doesn't want to.

Because he's afraid that the next time he'll be admitted to the hospital won't be for a stomach ache, but a heartache. Exaggerated but true. That's how much he loves Jackson.

 

Jackson saw Qin Fen being down - and he knew it was his fault. He saw Qin Fen struggling to open the cap of the sports drink, so he took it without words and opened it. His next action took Qin Fen by surprise. Jackson drank the sports drink and held Qin Fen's chin to lift it up. He pressed his lips against Qin Fen's. He ~~forcefully~~ made Qin Fen drink it. 

The scene was so messy-- _they_ were so messy. 

As the water lessen in Jackson's mouth, he took the chance to insert his tongue in Qin Fen's cavern. It was warm-- and sweet. Jackson kissed Qin Fen roughly and with greed, as if he wanted to eat Qin Fen whole.

Qin Fen remembered the scene where Han Mubo also kissed him- but today, something was different. He didn't struggled. He kissed Jackson back. He held on and go with the flow, his heart was pounding, his blood was rushing. 

It was  _incredible._  

The pleasure of Jackson's kiss was getting into his head, he was afraid that he can't move away from his kiss. They needed to stop,  _now._  But they didn't. Because they both _wanted_ this. The kiss that intertwined their tongues, the kiss that can't distinguish who's saliva is who, the kiss that makes their heart beats fast, the kiss that melts their bones and the kiss that made them feel like they were in love--.

Qin Fen felt like he would die if he couldn't  _eat this man up._ His fingers are now on Jackson's neck and Jackson's hand was on his waist, slowly but steadily lifting up Qin Fen's shirt. His other hand going down Qin Fen's ass. And it made Qin Fen kneel to let Jackson touch him more comfortably-- also to let himself kiss Jackson more intimately. 

Qin Fen's finger dug into the nape of Jackson as Jackson's hand played with his nipple, deep moan came out of his troat. Jackson ~~smiled~~ grinned sweetly at Qin Fen as he pulled away from the kiss. Jackson then tore open Qin Fen's turtle-necked shirt, revealing the pale neck and chest of Qin Fen.

His favorite shirt got torn open by the one he loves, how would he feel? Would he feel frustrated? Or would he feel pleasured because at the very least, he can see Jackson looking at him like he was the one he was talking about hours ago? And Jackson is looking at him like a man hungry for lust, for him, for his body-- albeit not for his heart.

Qin Fen was took by surprise when he felt Jackson's lips on his neck, sucking and licking hungrily. A moan wanted to escape from his mouth but he surpressed it. 

" _Goddamn, Qin Fen!_ " Jackson said, his eyes boring at Qin Fen's eyes. 

Goddamn, indeed! Qin Fen could still feel the heat from Jackson's touch a moment ago; he could feel every inch of Jackson, his hands, his body, even the erection pressed hard against his own.

Jackson-- Jackson was aroused because of him. How fucking wonderful. 

But heaven's above. What is _he_ doing. What are _they_ doing. 

While Jackson was savouring every part of him, Qin Fen's mind was thinking of every possibility why, why the fucking hell Jackson did this. 

But still- although lots and lots of possibilities came to his mind  --like maybe he was the one Jackson was referring to, or maybe Jackson just wanted a substitute to satiate his lust-- he did not stop himself from feeling Jackson. 

Why Jackson did this can be saved for later, the only thing he wanted to do now is savour this feeling while it last. 

 

Jackson's hand moved up and down Qin Fen's body, his mouth sucking his nipples, leaving marks everywhere, leaving marks that says Qin Fen is his. He unbuttoned his and Qin Fen's pants, he layed Qin Fen on the bed very gently, like he was a doll made of porcelain that would break at just a touch. 

He was determined to do Qin Fen. 

He remembered what he wrote on the paper airplane just a while ago, _'I hope Qin Fen would realize that he was the one I was talking about,'._ Although he doesn't really remember when he started to write his feelings on paper airplanes, he still do out of habit. He wanted his feeling to go with the wind. 

Jackson then looked at Qin Fen's eyes, his eyes full of love that he doesn't know came out as a lust-deprived eyes of a man in Qin Fen's eyes. 

He started once again to kiss Qin Fen's lips, his tongue entering. Qin Fen welcomed him, their tongues rolling and turning, sucking. His hand went down on Qin Fen's pants, he played with Qin Fen's thing, making Qin Fen moan oh so sweetly.

Jackson stopped for a second to close the lamp light. And only the moon served as their light. He saw Qin Fen under the moonlight clutching on the bed sheet, he was biting his lower lip, making it bleed. Jackson's heart ached at the sight, but deep inside, he was even more aroused. 

Jackson picked up the lube on his bag that Jieqiong probably put last time. Qin Fen was schocked by the lube but he didn't get to ask because he felt a finger inserted inside him, caughting him off-guard and making him moan in pleasure and pain at the same time.

Since it's his first time. 

And his first time will be on a fucking hospital, his first time will be because of a sudden impulse that Jackson felt, his first time will be because he accompanied Jackson's impulsiveness. 

His first time will be because of an impulse they both felt. He felt frustrated by this fact but he can't do anything. So he pulled the needle of the IV drip out of his hand-- which in turn made Jackson surprised, 

 

"Qin Fen! Stop, don't hurt yourself. " Jackson said as his other hand held Qin Fen's bleeding hand. 

"I don't want to see you hurt," he added, his face full of worries. 

Ah, Qin Fen suddenly felt like laughing. 

"But I'm always hurting?" Qin Fen uttered in a small voice, but enough for the two of them to hear. Jackson wiped his hands and looked straight at Qin Fen's eyes as if waiting for Qin Fen to continue. 

Qin Fen's heart started hammering, wondering if he should stop and walk away or continue to talk to remove the heavy burdens on his shoulders and to get his questions answered. 

He chose the latter. 

"Just a few hours ago you fucking declared your love for who knows who and now? You're fucking me," he said, 

"Not only are you fucking me physically you're also fucking my mind!" He yelled in a small voice that cracked, as though he was gonna cry. 

"You didn't stop--" 

"Then why didn't YOU stopped?" Jackson asked, cutting off Qin Fen's words. He tried his best to hide the small smile hanging on his lips, because he feels like, the words Qin Fen are saying right now is an indirect confession.

"You had all the time in the world to struggle," Jackson added, slowly creeping to Qin Fen and only stopped when his nose bumped into his. 

"But you didn't." 

"Why?" 

 

Qin Fen did not answered. 

Silence filled the air. 

 

"Did you like it? Love it?" Jackson asked which made Qin Fen whine. 

"You did right?" Jackson added, 

"Cause I also did." Jackson said and he freely smiled. 

One... 

"I love you." -Jackson

Two... 

"I love you, i'm sorry I didn't realized sooner."

Three... 

"I'm sorry for being such a jerk."

Qin Fen gasped in surprise and he was suddenly kissed by Jackson. 

The kiss this time was different -- the roughness wasn't there. Gentleness took its place, although greed was still there. 

Cause Jackson has greed for Qin Fen's lips. 

Qin Fen felt like tearing up, so he did, he did not hold back his feelings at all, because he always hold it back. Oh, how good, how amazing it feels to know that their feeling are mutuals.

This time, Qin Fen was sure his first time won't be because of impulsiveness, but because of love.

 

They can't remember the process, but they remember how their bodies intertwined together in the hospital bed under the moonlight, they remembered each other's taste, they remember how they slept with each other and hastily putting clothes on when the nurse knocked in the morning after. 

 

Qin Fen suddenly had a thought,  _If that was a dream, i'd rather stay there for the rest of my life._

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter. 
> 
> Be warned that there will be huge time skip ok :)))

Cheng Xiao and Jieqiong looked at Jackson who was humming and writing something on the paper before folding it into a paper airplane. He stood up and let the airplane fly with the wind but it just landed on the same spot his airplane landed the last time he flew it. 

"What's wrong with him?" Cheng Xiao asked with crossed-arms. 

"I don't know anything other than him coming here with an eyemask and a good mood, wearing a wrecked turtle-neck sweater behind his trench coat which is clearly not his," Jieqiong replied. 

"I heard that he and Qin Fen was together yesterday." 

"Uh-huh, and some trainees said that Qin Fen was wearing Jackson's sweater." Jieqiong cheekily replied.

"I guess my plan worked." Jieqiong added, 

"Plan?"

"Yeah, I put some lube and condom on his bag ever since Qin Fen went here, but it was only put into a good use now." Jieqiong replied sighing as if she lost something just because the thing she put was just used after a long time of being in Jackson's bag. Cheng Xiao was shocked. Why didn't Jieqiong told her? If Jieqiong did, she would've had also put something on Jackson's bag, something....  _exotic_. 

Like a vibrator, or some rope or hand-cuffs.... Or maybe all. 

Both of them only stopped gossiping when Jackson told them to do their works. Cheng Xiao then bid goodbye to Jieqiong to practice, leaving Jieqiong read the files alone instead. 

Jieqiong gasped in surprise when she saw something. Jackson asked her what was wrong. 

"Han Mubo is going home, it said that Han Mubo's mom was sick." Jieqiong replied, feeling pity for Mubo. Not only was Han Mubo heart-broken, his mom was also sick. 

"Oh?" Jackson could only utter that one word. Thinking that his Mom's sickness came at the right time to avoid him, or Qin Fen. 

 

 

======

Han Mubo left. 

And Qin Fen was guilty. Han Mubo was the one who introduced him to this world after leaving for 1 or 2 years. And now, Qin Fen might be the reason why he's leaving. Sure, his leave is temporary but it still made him feel guilty nevertheless. 

He sat down on the couch, feeling lonely that the one who makes him laugh isn't here anymore. He eyed the whole room looking for remnants of Han Mubo, but instead of finding something that reminds him of Han Mubo, he saw the paper bag Jackson bought with him yesterday. So, he sprinted his way toward the bag, opened it only to see a blooming rose inside it. He took out the rose not noticing the spoiled food inside and admired it. 

He was in the midst of admiring it when he heard his phone ringing. 

It was Han Mubo. 

Hand Mubo sent him voice messages. 

" _Hello Qin Fen! I just want to say that.._   _I am so..... irrevocably in love with you. I don’t know if anything can convince me otherwise that we aren’t meant to live our lives together-- or at least, only in this life."_

_"Remember the time when I first met you on summer? I was wearing the t-shirt my grandmother made me wear, or more like, forced me to wear and there you were, wearing a sleeveless shirt. You were in the secluded park in the province surrounded by your many fans. I was wondering why there were so many people and shuttering sounds that seemed to have deafened me."_

_"You were irritated, you were feeling hot, that much I know. But you were still smiling, I wondered how you were patient, cause if that was me, I would had walked out."_  A laugh escaped Qin Fen's lips as he remembered those times. 

_"I don't know how many hours had passed but I remember you sitting on the bench, I offered you my towel and a can of soda which you first looked at them for a good second before accepting. You look so dumb. But you were beautiful. My first impression of you was a foolish beauty."_  

_"And then we started hanging out together, we stayed in each other's house, ate at each other's house and slept at each other's house. I remember how much your grandfather nags at you, telling you to get married cause you were getting old and I remember how that bugged me for some unknown reasons."_

_"Then a day suddenly came when my heart hammers whenever you were beside me. It came so suddenly that it left me wondering why I feel so down without you, why my mind always looks for you first thing in the morning, why your laugh suddenly sound so melodious, why you look so beautiful in my eyes and why my heart suddenly craves for yours. "_ Qin Fen's lips were pressed into a thin line as he listened. 

_"Qin Fen.."_  Qin Fen made a 'hmm' sound even though the guy can't hear it.

_" When i’m with you, colors are no longer just colors. they become spectral explosions that dance across my eyes and make the world so much more beautiful to be in and look at and feel and even to listen to. I wanted to tell you to never leave me, I really do. Because if you were to leave, the_ _walls in my room would no longer be dark blue and white; my walls would turn into a deep gray, and my world would be drained and devoid of color. I hate colorless things, you know that right?"_

_"But I know that you were going to leave me someday, so I took the initiative to leave. Took the initiative to remove the colors myself.  Now-- even just a night without you, is so colorless, that it made me feel so powerless. It's so strange,"_ A laugh.

_"Qin Fen.."_ Han Mubo called again. 

_"You're the first person to actually mean something to me.You made me feel like I'm wanted, like I mattered."_

_"And I **hate** that."_

_"I hate that you're important to me, hate that I look for you every time, hate that my eyes always landed on you and that I imagine your arms holding me when I can finally drift off to sleep. I hate that I rested my head on your shoulder. Hated that we always talk about Jackson even though I don't like it just for the sake of seeing your cute smile that only shows when that damnable guy is our topic. I hate that I let you leave a mark on my heart. It’s too scarred now--- but, you wouldn’t want my heart anyway,"_ Another laugh with a voice that cracked, but it was a different laugh, it was a laugh that contained bitterness and pain. Han Mubo's laugh was so contagious. So contagious that it made Qin Fen's eyes blurry with tears waiting to fall.

 " _All you ever wanted was Jackson's."_ He said with no laugh but a sob that came over the phone. 

" _It’s awful to know how much control you have over me, and without even trying. I can’t sleep these past few days, I can’t eat, I can’t do anything anymore because my every waking second is spent worrying about seeing you tomorrow."_

_"I'm terrified. Terrified because I know that i'm never going to see you tomorrow."_ Qin Fen gripped on his phone tighter, tears streaming down his eyes. 

_"I'm probably never gonna come back there because i'm afraid that I might fight Jackson just for you."_

_"I don't think i'm ready to let go--  I know I never really had you in the first place but still, it’s the sentiment that counts. I had you in every way it could have mattered. I loved you, I wanted you. I would have torn myself apart to please you. I would have destroyed myself rather than face the truth that you would never love me, never want me the way that i want you. So, see, it’s not a good thing that I’m not ready to let you go."_

_"You’re a hazard to my safety. Oh, how I wish that weren’t true. You used to be my safe place. I could talk to you when the anxiety made it impossible to talk to anyone else."_

_"Now? When I look at you all I see are missed chances, and a string of almost’s, maybe’s. I look at you and see all the love I've wasted and never got in return. I look at you and I see my ruin. I know that it's time to let go, but I can't, I just can't."_

_"I hope you'll be happy with Jackson, and please, don't let me see you two again."_

That was the end of the message. 

Han Mubo ended it with him saying to not let him see him again. 

And that hurts. 

Qin Fen didn't even try to restrain his sobs and tears. He feels guilty about letting Jackson feel this, because he knows that one-sided love hurts very  _very_ much. But he can't return his feelings. Since the one he loves is Jackson. And for now, he only hopes that Han Mubo can find his happiness. 

Qin Fen stood there tears streaming down his face with only the sound of his sobs echoing in the empty room. He did not notice Jackson entering nor did he notice the rose falling. 

Jackson stood in the doorway, thinking if he should comfort him or let him cry because of that damnable guy Han Mubo. He chose the first choice. So he walked his way towards him, readying the napkin to wipe Qin Fen's tears. 

He hugged him from behind and turned Qin Fen's face towards him and wiped his precious tear that went to waste because of the same old damnable guy Han Mubo. 

"I hate Han Mubo just as much as I hate you crying because of him. But this time, I'll let you cry." Jackson said as he wiped Qin Fen's tears. He knows the feelings of losing a friend. And he hated that feeling. 

"I miss Lao Han." Qin Fen stated.

"Ha??" jackson said in disbelief, his eyes wide open before narrowing into a dangerous slits.

"But I'm here?" He added 

"You're not Lao Han, he's my important friend." Qin Fen repeated. And Jackson swore he could imagine himself punching Han Mubo.

"Because you are Jackson, my beloved for many years." Qin Fen said before Jackson got to say anything. 

And then they smiled. 

Jackson comforted Qin Fen and for the second time just after becoming official-- they did it again. 

 

=====

Jackson and Qin Fen strolled the back of the company hand in hand, sitting on the swings and talking about things. 

It's been 5 years and so many things happened.

Cheng Xiao and Jieqiong are now a couple. 

Qin Fen no longer dance because of an accident, he just rap and endorse for some big shot companies, and he helps Jackson with works, which Jackson is thankful for because of the constant piling up of works. 

The company was also becoming bigger. 

As for Han Mubo, he's still stuck in the past. Yes, he's successful. He acted, he sings, he played the cello, he endorse, he host, he even have a love team now. Thot that always clings into him for more exposure. That bitch.  
He still loves Qin Fen though, but he's thankful that Qin Fen stayed true to his words about not seeing him again. Because he was afraid that he'll come back to him anytime. But sometimes, he just can't help but think of what may happen if he met Qin Fen first. Maybe the one Qin Fen love would be him instead of Jackson. You know, those maybe's and what if's are killing him. They need to stop- but it's always there, hunting him. 

 

Qin Fen spotted a few paper airplanes that was stuck below the tree. Qin Fen picked the paper airplane that went through the rain, snow and heat up and saw the same words he saw and same words he wrote 5 years ago. He still remembers them. He smiled. Jackson walked towards him and he recognized the paper airplane Qin Fenw as holding- how could he not? It's his. 

"It's still here?" Qin Fen asked.

"No one comes here anymore." Jackson replied. 

"I remember writing some encouraging word to this. I hope the owner was successful in confessing and I hope that my thought were delivered." Qin Fen laughed as he remembered that time. Jackson was a bit shocked knowing that Qin Fen wrote something on his airplane.

" He's succeeded in confessing and your thoughts was safely delivered." Jackson said with an indulging smile. 

"How'd you know?" Qin Fen suspiciously asked him, his eyebrow rising. 

"Because.." Jackson kissed Qin Fen in his forehead first before continuing. 

"I'm the owner." 

"Thank you for writing those words; I succeeded." Jackson cheekily smiled as he thought that the paper airplane was somehow one way or another their matchmaker. 

 

"I love you." He said as the rough wind blows and it made the paper airplanes lying on the ground to be taken away along with the wind. 

"I love you too," Qin Fen replied with a light smile on his face. Thinking that the day when they married, instead of confetti, they'll use paper airplanes. 

For those paper airplane will always remind them how their story went. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels rushed huhu. 
> 
> Bec there's still many pairing waiting for me to write them :( 
> 
> I hope you like it though :)
> 
> AND GUYS OMG I'M GONNA MAKE AN AU WHERE HAN MUBO TIME TRAVELED IN THE PAST, BE SURE TO READ IT Hihi.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to talk to me on twitter if you like or have any prob with my story :) @xjuliaxkwinx


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